In my experience in senior care, I have found that adult kids and spouses need emotional support as much as the senior they love who is facing challenges related to aging that require making a move to assisted, independent living or memory care.
If you are faced with making a decision for a senior you love, here’s a list to help you get through this transition:
- Take it One Step at a Time. Write out a list of things you need to do, including small tasks like picking up grocery items or making a call. As you cross things off your list, you’ll realize you are making progress toward the end goal of getting someone the care they need in a senior care environment, so they won’t be alone.
- Take Advantage of Free Resources. People in the senior care industry are usually knowledgeable and caring when it comes to knowing solutions to the challenges seniors face. Set a goal to spend at least a half hour on the phone every day, and if your loved one is in the hospital or skilled nursing, start by asking the case manager who they would recommend for assistance based on the patient’s needs. They often recommend a Senior Placement Specialist like myself, and make recommendations based on a reputable company that markets to their case managers and nurses. The same goes for home health and hospice care. Every person you call will give different advice, or know of different services, but you can take everything into consideration and make an educated decision.
- Talking About Senior Living- Use the word ‘Independent’. Seniors don’t want to lose their independence, no matter what stage of decline in health they are experiencing. When I work with seniors and their families, I use the word ‘Independent’ to describe senior living, whether it’s Independent, Assisted Living or Memory Care. Why? Senior Living really does support the idea that when seniors are in an environment where care is available, along with meals prepared and housekeeping in place, they can live more independently, lowering the chance they’ll take a fall at home or be alone when a health emergency takes place that lands the back in the hospital. Let’s face it, being stuck in a hospital bed is the ultimate loss in independence, so senior living is a way to ensure care is provided making seniors as healthy and comfortable as possible.
- Come Up With a Plan, Then Offer Mom or Dad Choices. Once you’ve talked to a senior placement agent like myself or other specialists that contribute to the care decisions, let the senior in your life know about some of the options available. Know they may be resistant to the idea of moving, and that they may say they will be fine going home. Sometimes it’s useful to say, ‘Let’s try this temporarily, and I want to know how you like it. If you don’t, we’ll make a different decision.’ You really can change communities if you don’t like one Often seniors end up truly liking the environment of senior living. There are often activities and the opportunity to make new friends.
- The Guilt Trip- Their Health Decline Is Not Your Fault. Many adult kids or spouse feel guilty, especially if the senior in their life is unhappy with the decision to move to senior living. Mom or dad can be angry at their kids or spouse, and blame them for not allowing the to go home. Realize that millions of people face this every day, and that if you let a senior go home when they are no longer safe alone, you could be faced with endangering a senior, which can result in adult protective services being called. This is especially true when someone has dementia or Alzheimer’s and may go on a walk or a drive and get lost. There are sometimes caregiver support groups where you can talk directly with others going through the same challenges. It can help to share with others what you are going through. The role reversal, of you ‘parenting your parent’ is not easy to accept. Ultimately you have their safety in mind, so try to look at the facts, without them playing on your emotions. Imagine the day when you can enjoy a meal or a visit with the senior in your life, then you can leave knowing they will be cared for, and you don’t have to worry about them taking a fall and not being able to call someone.